The Lexicon of Markov

Aurelian Shaft
President of the United States of America
First Term: March 4, 1913 - March 4, 1921
Predecessor: William Howard Taft
Successor: Ronald McDonald
Second Term: March 4, 1949 - March 4, 1953
Predecessor: Hector Boyardee
Successor: Guy Farmer
Third Term: March 4, 1977 - March 4, 1985
Predecessor: Gerald Ford
Successor: Tou Pee
Full Name: Aurelian Lucius Shaft
Vice President
Favourite Customer (by Boyardee)
Saviour of Thejistan
Epic Gamer
The Shaftinator
Legends say two unicorns had hardcore sex and Shaft emerged from the tsucummi, in Vermont, United States, Earth.
Age: 69 (Physically)
185 (As of IWTBH2)
Height: 6'2"
Artemis Shaft (Father)
Margaret Burr (Mother)
Anna Marie Oyster (First Wife, 1880-1902)
Susan Pousi (Second Wife, 1914-1934)
Granny White (Third Wife, 1974-Present)
Richard Groshart-Shaft (Disputed Son)
Dominic Groshart (Disputed Grandson)
Jerma Elbertson (Biological Son)
John Shaft (Biological Son)
Pauline May Shaft (Biological Daughter)
Biggs Shaft (Brother)
Wedge Shaft (Brother)
Penn I. S. Shaft (Cousin)
Barbeque Flavor Chips (President during Shaft's term as Vice President)
Thomas Christ (Vice President in first term)
Hector Boyardee (Vice President in second term, among other things)
Shigeru Miyamoto (Vice President in third term, 1977 - 1981)
Ralph Handers (Vice President in third term, 1981 - 1985)
DJ Khalid (Ex-Lover)
TheMonsterSpawnerEpic (Mortal Enemy)
The Relanodt Royal Family (Mjothvs Lineage)
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Appearances: Every entry